SHADES - ABUSED

I'd like to share this story with you reader. This girl was willing to share her story with the me and I thought I'd share it with you all.

- Based on a true life story

I'm...18 years old, they say kids act up according to there past. Well, what do you call a girl with a dead mother and a father she doesn't remember the face of.
   Telling this story I'm not sad, I'm not pissed, at this point I feel nothing at all and I hope it stays that way.

    My mom had me out of wedlock, form the words of others I was told that she wanted to have a kid so badly,  and I was also told that my dad wanted a boy and he was disappointed I was not.
Let it be known that my father was living from hand to mouth in a very bad way so I was mostly my mom's responsibility. Remember that as of now I don't remember my father's face so the memory is very faint.
   I visited my dad once or twice in 3 months and every time he'd always had a fight with my mom, giving her a black eye or more.  She'd cry and sometimes try to hide her feelings from me. 
    I was scared of my father,  didn't want to ever see him, he lost his significance, I didn't see him In my perfect picture.
     One day he came home late, drunk, and for some reason angry, he got into a fight with my mom and soon she was screaming and bleeding,  neighbors gathered trying to knock the door down.  I was young weak and helpless but despite my age I ran into the kitchen and reached for the sharpest knife I could find, I was shaken with fear but it didn't stop me from running to my mom and handing her the knife.  I could see the shock in both my parents eyes and I must say I was shocked too. Finally the neighbors had broken in and too my mom to the clinic and the next day we left and I didn't see him again...

    I went to lagos to continue my studies, my mom's sister took very good care of me and I was ever grateful that for that.  A few years later my mom fell sick and then she died, I was 6 and a half.  That was the fist time I was seeing my father since that night.  Nothing had changed, I didn't feel anything, honestly I thought he should be there, that he didn't deserve to be there.

    It took me years to get over my mom. Gradually I did thanks to my new mom.  Now I've grown and I see my family and I'm happy and all I wish was to delete my father from my picture, I'm happy,  really I am, but I really wished he wasn't part of my life.

    Growing up it made me feel that there was only one need for a man in this world -  procreation.  They were useless to me. It made me feel that I would get everything I'd want in this life without a man.  Getting married wasn't in my list. If I was ever going to get married it would be a bonus to my many achievements.  I didn't see the need for them. It was so bad that I didn't want to hear of them. I used the term -  useless when describing them.  I would be the head of my family and my child would come out bright. They call it daddy issues but I don't, I call it realization.

I intend on being this way. I might seem traumatized by my past but I'm not, it only made me stronger. And I'm thankful for that.